Every year, young people across India pack a suitcase, a few jars of homemade pickle and a lot of hope, and move to a new city. An engineer from Patna joins a company in Bengaluru. A student from Kerala starts college in Delhi. A nurse from Manipur takes a hospital job in Mumbai. The first weeks are full of new things: a PG room, a new language on the streets, a different kind of food. And then, often quite suddenly, loneliness arrives. This article is about that feeling, and about practical ways to make a new city feel a little more like home.
Why moving cities can feel so lonely
Back home, you may have been surrounded by family, neighbours and friends who knew you since childhood. In a new city, you may come back to an empty room after a long day, eat dinner alone, and realise you have not had a real conversation in days. There may also be a language barrier, unfamiliar food, high rents and long commutes that leave little energy for socialising.
Loneliness is not a sign that something is wrong with you. It is a natural response to losing your usual support system. Our guide on how to cope with loneliness explains more about why it happens.
Life in a PG, hostel or shared flat
Paying guest accommodation and hostels can be isolating, with strict timings, shared rooms and people who come and go. But they are also full of people in the same situation as you. Some small steps:
- Eat at least one meal in the common area instead of in your room.
- Offer to share something: snacks from home, a cricket match on your laptop, a ride to the market.
- Learn a few phrases of the local language. People appreciate the effort, even if you get it wrong.
- Keep your room comfortable: a plant, photos, a familiar blanket.
Building new connections, step by step
Friendships in a new city rarely happen overnight. They grow from repeated small contact:
- Join something regular. A weekend trek group, a running club, a dance or language class, volunteering, or a place of worship.
- Say yes to small invitations. Lunch with colleagues or chai after class can turn into real friendships.
- Find people from your home state. Many cities have cultural associations that celebrate regional festivals and food.
- Explore on foot. A Sunday morning at a local market, a lake or the seafront helps the city feel less foreign.
Staying close to home without staying stuck
Video calls with family help, but endless calls can also keep you living in two places at once. Try a regular call time rather than constant messages, and share good moments, not only problems. It is fine to tell your parents that you miss them; you do not always have to say 'all is well'.
Festivals and holidays away from family
Diwali, Eid, Pongal, Onam, Durga Puja or Christmas can be the hardest days. Your social media fills with family photos while your PG is half empty and you could not get a train ticket home. Plan ahead:
- Find out who else is staying back and celebrate together, even simply.
- Cook or order a dish that reminds you of home.
- Visit a local celebration; many communities welcome newcomers.
- Schedule a video call at the time your family usually gathers.
- Be gentle with yourself if you feel low. It is a normal reaction.
If loneliness affects your sleep, try the tips in how to sleep better.
Also look after the basics that loneliness tends to erode. Keep regular meal times even if you eat alone, step outside in daylight every day, and try not to spend every free evening scrolling through other people's lives. Notice the small wins, such as the first time the vegetable vendor recognises you or a colleague saves you a seat at lunch. They are signs that the city is slowly becoming yours.
When loneliness becomes something more
If you feel low most days for weeks, stop enjoying things, struggle to get out of bed, or start to feel hopeless, it is important to talk to someone. Your college may have a counselling centre and your employer may offer confidential counselling. India's Tele MANAS helpline (14416) is free and available 24x7 in many languages.
AI Psychologist can also keep you company on a quiet night: a private chat where you can talk about your day, think through how to meet people, or calm down when homesickness hits. It is emotional support, not therapy, and it is not a substitute for real friendships or professional care.
If you are in crisis: if you feel unsafe or are thinking about harming yourself, call 112 now, or Tele MANAS on 14416 or 1800-891-4416 (toll-free, 24x7, in around 20 languages). AI Psychologist is an emotional support chat and cannot help in an emergency.
FAQ
How long does it take to settle into a new city?
It is different for everyone. Many people find the first few months the hardest. Regular routines and repeated contact with the same people usually help the city feel familiar.
I feel guilty for being unhappy when my family is proud of me. Is that normal?
Yes. You can be grateful for an opportunity and still miss home. Both feelings can exist together, and talking about them often helps.
Is it okay to go back home if I am really unhappy?
Before deciding, give yourself time, look for support and try some changes. If you still feel it is not right for you, choosing to return is a valid decision, not a failure.
Please note: AI Psychologist offers emotional support and general wellbeing guidance. It does not diagnose and is not a substitute for a doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist, or for emergency care. If you are in crisis or feel unsafe, call 112 or Tele MANAS on 14416.